Are We Ruining Our Kids?

My 12 year old step-son has been hounding me about getting him a cell phone. I remember the first day he came home and asked me, I thought I was hearing him wrong. Instead of hearing him say, “Can I have a cell phone”, I heard, “Can I ever call home?”… Why in the world would he ask me if he could call home? I mean, he surely couldn’t be asking me for a cell phone. Kids his age don’t have cell phones….Or so I thought. I soon found out that I was completely wrong, and that my son was in fact one of the few kids in his school that did not have a cell phone. I guess their parents found a reason for buying their kids these new toys, but my logic says, If you don’t have a job and a car you do NOT need a cell phone! What could possibly be so important in the life of a 12 year-old that he would need a cell phone?

Today its a cell phone, tomorrow it might be a Maserati. These kids today are spoiled rotten! And I blame us. We are the adults who have been showing them examples and making excuses for their frivolous needs. Somewhere along the line we began to show our youth that material things are worth more than character. It’s a sad site to see kids who would do anything in the world, including compromising their character, if it meant they were going to live lavishly. A feeling inside my heart makes me want to write a Dear John letter to every teenager in the world, and apologize for how we have created this ultra-materialistic world for them, only to leave them hanging.

Now I have to admit, I have been a pretty lucky girl…okay, maybe spoiled is the world. But in my day being spoiled meant you owned three Barbie dolls instead of one, and had two different sets of jumbo shoelaces to switch out during the week. When you turned 16 you got a job, not a Hummer. And if you brought home C’s and D’s, it didn’t matter how spoiled you were-you weren’t gonna get squat if your grades were horrible. If I have to endure one more episode of My Super Sweet 16 I might puke all over the television. What these kids don’t understand that having lavish things is a privilege, not a necessity. And there is certainly nothing wrong with wanting your kids to have a little more than you had growing up, that is as long as you provide them with lavish gifts and a dose of morally correct instructions on the side.

So what do we do as parents? Do we go along with the status quo and feed into our children’s extremely narcissistic desires to become the most popular kid in school, or do we withhold the cell phones and the car keys until they are old enough AND responsible enough to handle it. While I don’t want my child sitting alone at the lunch table or getting strung up by their shorts in the locker room, I hardly think that his popularity trumps my desire to make sure my child is a morally sound, respectable, and productive individual. I’d like to leave something monumental to this world besides my glorious sense of fashion. My advice for today’s parents…Dig deeper, your children will love you for it!

Giving Back

Entering my 30's has been an adventurous experience. I've managed to shed some light on some the mysteries of life by opening my eyes and experiencing the freedom of the life that I live. What I found was that I had actually been living my life kind of selfishly. Day in and Day out, I muddled through the days complaining about the perils of the life of a carefree, young, vibrant college student. Never once second guessing and thinking about how different my life would be had someone else not had my back and paved the way for me. Not once during one of my temper tantrums did I stop to question how or why this path was laid out for me. The fact is-I never HAD to worry about it. All of the elements were set in place long before I was even thought about. It was my grandparents' generation and the many generations before them that allowed me the choices that were before me. An entire buffet of opportunities; all to be squandered away for quick trips to the mall for new clothes and jewelry instead of more books and charitable donations. Don't get me wrong, not every day of my youth was spent in frivolous denial, but not enough of it was spent giving back and showing thanks.

We can never go back in time to right our wrongs. We can only go forward and vow not to repeat our mistakes. Where would we be in our lives today if monumental moments in history were left up to our generation? Sure it would easier and more comfortable to stay in a place of familiarity and not rock the boat. But if the boat isn't rocked, the boat doesn't move forward. I for one am ready for less familiar things in life. New opportunities and collective community growth don't happen when you're sitting still in your familiar place. It happens when you're unsure, tired as hell, and just plain confused. It happens just before you're ready to throw in the towel. But most importantly, it doesn't happen alone. It happens when all of us work together and stand firm on our goals. And when it happens, its a beautiful thing. I'm excited as I look at the possibilities of Black History month 2010. But I'm even more excited to see how we carry it on past February 2010.

Strong. Powerful. Hopeful=Giving Back in 2010

The Writer's place

I’m stuck in this place. Its called Writer’s Block. I never really liked it here, and I don’t think I’ll like it now. They haven’t changed the curtains, nor the furniture since the last time I was here. And what’s even worse is that their customer service sucks!

The last time I was here, I had a really bad experience. This girl (we’ll call her ‘Eve’) was sitting practically on top of me, and she was whining and complaining the entire time! She kept on going on and on about how she wanted to be this big time writer, and how she always got all these “great ideas” at the worst times. She said she would get inspirational ideas about stuff in the wee hours of the night, or while she was driving in heavy traffic, and never got a chance to write out her thoughts. Then all of a sudden, she burst into tears, and screamed out “I’ll never become the writer I want to be!! This is SO HARD!!”. I couldn’t help but think to myself, “This chick is Looney Tunes. She is never gonna make it as a successful writer”. My Mom, on the other hand thought she deserved a break. She convinced me that maybe she was just having a bad day, and didn’t really mean all the horrible things she said. I guess she did have a point. We all have our good days and bad days. She still got on my last nerve with her pessimistic views and all her complaining. But she did have hot HOT shoes though! That should definitely count for something.

So anyway, I’m here again. Not really sure how I got here. Perhaps the GPS in the Rover went beserk. I can’t imagine myself plugging this address into the GPS. Funny thing is, a lot of my other friends have been here before too. I’ve heard mixed reviews from different people, but none of them have ever said that they would return willingly. What freaks me out even more is that a really good friend of mine was telling me that she somehow kept coming back over and over and over again. So does that mean that I am doomed to revisit this place periodically against my own will? That is so unfair! Aw man, I’m starting to sound like Eve. Here we go again….

Are We Ruining Our Kids?

My step-son has been hounding me about getting him a cell phone. I remember the first day he came home and asked me, I thought I was hearing him wrong. Instead of hearing him say, “Can I have a cell phone”, I heard, “Can I ever call home?”. Why in the world would he ask me if he could call home? I mean, he surely couldn’t be asking me for a cell phone. Kids his age don’t have cell phones….Or so I thought. I soon found out that I was completely wrong, and that my son was in fact one of the few kids in his school that did not have a cell phone. I guess their parents found a reason for buying their kids these new toys, but my logic says, If you don’t have a job and a car you do NOT need a cell phone! What could possibly be so important in the life of a 12 year-old that he would need a cell phone?

Today its a cell phone, tomorrow it might be a Maserati. These kids today are spoiled rotten! And I blame us. We are the adults who have been showing them examples and making excuses for their frivolous needs. Somewhere along the line we began to show our youth that material things are worth more than character. It’s a sad site to see kids who would do anything in the world, including compromising their character, if it meant they were going to live lavishly. A feeling inside my heart makes me want to write a Dear John letter to every teenager in the world, and apologize for how we have created this ultra-materialistic world for them, only to leave them hanging.

Now I have to admit, I have been a pretty lucky girl…okay, maybe spoiled is the world. But in my day being spoiled meant you owned three Barbie dolls instead of one, and had two different sets of jumbo shoelaces to switch out during the week. When you turned 16 you got a job, not a Hummer. And if you brought home C’s and D’s, it didn’t matter how spoiled you were-you weren’t gonna get squat if your grades were horrible. If I have to endure one more episode of My Super Sweet 16 I might puke all over the television. What these kids don’t understand that having lavish things is a privilege, not a necessity. And there is certainly nothing wrong with wanting your kids to have a little more than you had growing up, that is as long as you provide them with lavish gifts and a dose of morally correct instructions on the side.

So what do we do as parents? Do we go along with the status quo and feed into our children’s extremely narcissistic desires to become the most popular kid in school, or do we withhold the cell phones and the car keys until they are old enough AND responsible enough to handle it. While I don’t want my child sitting alone at the lunch table or getting strung up by their shorts in the locker room, I hardly think that his popularity trumps my desire to make sure my child is a morally sound, respectable, and productive individual. I’d like to leave something monumental to this world besides my glorious sense of fashion. Dig deeper, your children will love you for it!

The sprit of Thanksgiving

When children smile...

Thanksgiving has always been one of my favorite holidays. When I was young, I fell in love with the idea of having all of my family gathered together in one place. Our everyday lives seemed to be so hectic and passed by so quickly. I didn’t quite know exactly why everyone’s lives were so hectic, but I knew that I longed for days like Thanksgiving when we would all be together.

My uncle used to joke with me about how attached I was to him when I was growing up. My youngest uncle was still in junior high when I was born, so as I was going through the motions in elementary school he was in high school raising ruckus and chasing girls. While I had intentions of having him sit and watch me play with my Barbies after school, he had intentions of taking Cassandra to the movies. Of course I did not like that one bit. I set out to ruin Cassandra’s life and rid the house of any future signs of her. My foolproof plan had one major glitch though; she was way too nice, and she was absolutely gorgeous. And unlike the other girls who came by trying to get invited to Sunday dinner, she carried herself with class and dignity. I saw the way my grandmother looked at her with approval and it resonated within me. I remember thinking to myself, “I am going to be just like her one day. And when I do, I will have a large house with tons of kids, and have GREAT Thanksgiving dinners just like we do in this house”.

As the years went on, Cassandra came and went; along with many others. But what was constant was the laughter and joy that still remained in the house. As a child who didn’t quite understand the intricacies of teenage life, I watched my aunt and uncles as they went about in their different direction. All three of them were as different as night and day. But one common thread always held them together…me. No matter how much they argued and fought, they could all agree that spending time with their niece brought them closer together. I didn’t quite get that when I was little, but as I got older I saw it for myself. I saw that no matter how hectic their lives were, or how much they argued, they could all find it in their heart to stop and give me their love and affection. Now that I’m grown, I only wish that I would have cherished those moments even more. If I could go back in time to any particular period in life it would have to be Thanksgiving Day 1982. It was the first time I could actually understand what true love was, and it was an absolutely perfect time in my life. That moment was, and will forever be priceless.

Today I can honestly say that I can see how much difference children make in our lives. Everything we do each day is to grant them better lives. No holiday is complete without the joy of the little ones. I can remember the time that I actually realized what I meant to my aunt and uncles. I never knew that something so simple as making me smile could mean so much. Today I finally get it. I finally get why it meant so much to them, and I can see how much it means to me.I understand now why it means SO much to me to see all the kids in our family running around with those big smiles on their faces. I get why my stepson is ecstatic about now having a large extended family with tons of aunts, uncles, and cousins. And I get why I wake up so early on Thanksgiving morning to make sure that everything is perfect for them. I can only hope and pray that God grants me the blessing of never having to endure a Thanksgiving without a child’s smile.

Honoring Our Veterans

I don’t think I fully understood the importance of the military until I became an Army wife. Because I was always so far removed from military life growing up, I only really thought about it one or two times a year-Veteran’s Day and Memorial Day. It was only on these two days that I thought about the importance of their work and the freedom that we as Americans were privileged to enjoy. There is nothing like seeing your spouse get up every single morning and strapping on his combat boots to make you feel proud deep down inside. The life of a soldier and the lives of their families is a sacrifice that you have no choice but to recognize every single day.

If you ask any veteran young or old how they feel about serving their country, they will normally tell you that it is an honorable experience. Somewhere along the line inside the heart of a veteran is a spirit that many of us will never fully comprehend. It is an unofficial club of Honor, Duty, and Perseverance in which all soldiers across the world belong. I am thankful to say that I have had a front row seat to witnessing the spirit of our soldiers in action. As a military family, there are endless sacrifices to be made. There are days, weeks, and years away from home that you have to endure. There are the tough schedules of your military spouse that affect every member of your family. There are the accidents and injuries that occur during training and on the battlefield. And there are the changes in deployment that affect your everyday life. Yet Veterans and their family members proudly endure all of the inconveniences that allow us to continue to have our freedom.

This years’ Veteran’s Day comes at a time where many Americans are experiencing feelings of anger, confusion, and fear after the recent attack at Fort Hood, Texas. The attack that left family, friends, and colleagues without their loved ones left millions of Americans puzzled, and left with heavy hearts for the families of the victims. It is my hope that during times like these, we can lend our undying support to the military community and recognize the need for support year round; a small price to pay for a lifetime of freedom.

Show your support by visiting these sites:
www.uso.org
www.emailourmilitary.com
www.cardsforheroes.org
www.militaryfamily.org
www.troopsupport.com

I got your back Homie!

I used to be a pretty shy person. I was never the type of girl to just walk up to someone and start a conversation. My best friend and I met in the 2nd grade. I remember her coming up to me and saying,

"Hey. I'm Latoya. You think you're cute don't you? Well, whatever..we're gonna be friends. Walk me home from school today."

On the outside I was saying, 'Who do you think you are?'. On the inside I was saying, 'I think this chick is crazy. I guess I'm obligated to be her friend'. Years later, (ahem..uh 25 years to be exact)we are still friends. I didn't realize back then just how much I would need good girlfriends in my life. In fact, I only realized that just recently. As you get older, your needs and wants change dramatically. The friends that may have been important to you in high school are not necessarily the same one that will continue with you through adulthood. Now that I'm a wife and mother, my circle has changed a bit. Thankfully, I am still able to carry some of those same people with me through my adult years. I am happier, more at ease, and more open-minded when I have my girlfriends in my life. They give me a natural thirst for life that I don't even think they know existed.

Let's face it, being a grown up isn't always all its cracked up to be. 6 am wake up calls, school lunches, snoring husbands...its a little too much for a Diva sometimes. So I feel great that every once in a while I can get together with my girls and escape for a bit. Its very comforting to know that the women you most admire have crummy days every now and then also. Its good to have a support system that inspires and encourages you. So thank you to all of my girls for your undying love and support. You girls ROCK!